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lex-scripta asked: I'm a barista in Australia and it seems to me that the coffee in the US is typically very sweet with all kinds of syrups, flavours and creams added to it. In my usual work day of going through 7kg of coffee beans, I'll get maybe 2 flavoured coffees (the most popular syrups being mocha, vanilla, caramel and hazlenut), and we never really add anything else. How often do you get just a plain flat white or short black?

Nobody really calls them that here but more often than you’d think. I think, though I dont remember exactly, well over half our customers at my old store got just plain coffee. Now, what they did with it over at the condiment counter afterword, I have no idea. 

Truth be told, American coffee (much like American beer) gets a bad rap because you guys only really get exposed to the “ugly american” versions of it. I mean, an American tourist in Australia isnt gonna really stand out if they just order a flat white but boy, y’all are gonna notice when they demand an extra caramel frappe or something. 

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Anonymous asked: I got into a fucking fight with other baristas for daring to suggest that the majority of us at Sbucks aren't taken seriously as baristas. A friend of mine has been a barista at independent shops for a while and took a job at Starbucks because he needed the benefits, and he had to explain to a Coffee Master what a bloom was. All of that to say, thanks for calling like it is. I know baristas can't be held responsible for lack of knowledge. Starbucks has a low celling on their training.

After taking the coffee master course, I really feel like it should have been base line training for Starbucks employees. 

The real shame is that Starbucks espresso is actually passable when done right (you fucking nothing-mainstream-can-be-good coffee hipsters can get off my balls) but it’s just rarely done right.

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Anonymous asked: i read your blog (seriously back to the very first post) and i adore your wit and attitude and i think what you're doing with your life now is super legit. i want to get into coffee the way i have into tea but i haven't ever liked coffee without a ton of sugar and/or syrup. and i get anxious about ordering basically anything at starbucks that isn't on the menu because i don't want to embarrass myself or bother the barista for something extra... what do you recommend?

I started with mochas. Chocolate makes damned near anything better. And it’s really easy to start dialing back the syrup content while still enjoying the flavor. 

I really enjoy a quad espresso with a pump of white mocha and a pump of cinnamon dolce (at starbucks. flavors vary with independent places) and a bit of whipped cream. 

If you can find a quality barista, this is a good combination of coffee, with just enough sweet to make it easy on the beginners tongue. 

The problem is, 99% of Starbucks baristas are gonna let the shots pull way too long, spoil and then wont stir the white mocha in. Because Starbucks training fucking blows and they dont any better. 

So good luck. 

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Don’t have sex with people who are mean to service workers. 

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Anonymous asked: We are there to "serve" them? Are you fucking kidding me? We are there to make them their damn coffee and not show them how much we hate them. It is not our job to cater to their every need. If we want to complain, we are going to fucking do it. Fuck people who think we need to take disrespect because it's "our job".

Some people have this problem where they think “service industry” means “servant class”. 

Typically these are the people who don’t possess any type of power or control over their life, so they take a few minutes every morning to pick on baristas because it makes them feel like less of a loser than they are. 

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vivalasydney asked: holy fuck that anon. LOL they need a bitch slap from reality. thanks for running this blog, its rad and i love to come on here with my co-workers and laugh our asses off.

Glad you enjoy it :)

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elle-gance asked: I can't wait for those little anon brats to grow up and actually deal with the public. Anyone who truly works with the public knows it's hell. You're fuckin hilarious and as an ex-barista. I salute you.

Cheers

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Anonymous asked: NO THAT ANON IS RIGHT. ITS YOUR JOB TO SERVE THEM AND NOT COMPLAIN. GET THE FUCK OVER IT IF YOU DONT LIKE THEIR ORDER. ITS YOUR FUCKING JOB. WE ALL DO OUR JOBS AND DONT COMPLAIN EVEN THOUGH WE WOULD RATHER NOT BE DOING IT. SO JUST SHUT UP ABOUT YOUR JOB. OH, AND WOULD IT KILL YOU TO BE A LITTLE NICER? YEAH, I KNOW. "With my url, didn't you expect it?" WELL MAYBE THATS THE PROBLEM. HOW BOUT CHANGING IT TO THIS: myfollowersprobablyhateme HAHA THAT WOULD FIT BETTER, YOU JERK.

Caps lock is cruise control for cool 

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Anonymous asked: Okay you all do take this as a joke and realize you don't really have a right to complain about doing your job or difficult customers. You are there to serve them. They in no way have to cater to you or make your job easier.

Hahaha, you twatwaffle. 

Get back to me when you stop living off mommy and daddy and actually have to do something with your life. Until then, you’re just another punk ass 17 year old who thinks their placement in AP classes somehow makes them superior to people who actually earn their living. 

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sweet-dreamsxxoo asked: Still love and adore this blog. Thank you for keeping it. :) how's the non-barista life going?

Im glad you enjoy it! And the non barista life is going pretty well. My gym is growing steadily, my athletes are seeing success (one of my powerlifters set over 20 state and national records this past weekend) and in the next two weeks or so, the new coach I hired will be ready to take over the morning classes. Which means I’ll get an almost regular schedule, instead of working 5am till 8pm every day.

It’s nice to see hard work paying off.